Rest Is Not a Reward, It’s Essential
Photo: Sarah-Liz Photography
“I took some time off to rest and now, it's game time bitches.” - Nicki Minaj
I never would have imagined that I would relate to a quote from rapper, songwriter, and mother Nicki Minaj more than I connect to “singing” bar for bar the lyrics to her viral record “Itty Bitty Piggy.”
Prior to the relaunch of my website and blog Beauty for Breakfast, I was stuck in a deep and lengthy creative slump. I was fatigued from carrying out the responsibilities of overseeing content and communications for a beauty and grooming platform and parenting an energetic 3-year-old (during a pandemic nonetheless!). Managing relationships as a daughter, sister and best friend were (and still are) tough. Factor in staying on top of the latest and greatest beauty products and trends, and it seemed as though I grew used to wearing exhaustion as much as I did my Ami Colé Lip Treatment Oil.
No matter how many original thoughts I jotted down in my “Brilliant Ideas” notebook for Instagram Reels or product reviews, I could not muster up the energy to execute. And it didn’t help that I felt suffocated by the constant pressure to create, create, create — I’m sure I’m not the only one who believe those memes preaching “consistency” spoke directly to them.
Instead of doing what I’ve always done, or what society has conditioned Black women like myself to do, I chose rest.
What exactly did that look like?
Setting boundaries at work. If you ask any of my colleagues or direct reports, they’ll tell you that I’m actually pretty good about doing this and also encourage them to follow suit. However, I’ll admit that I slacked a bit since transitioning to a 100 percent remote role. Oftentimes, I’d find myself checking emails first thing in the morning before even getting my son to school. Or, responding to Slack messages when I should have been powering down mentally for my own bedtime routine. Creating my official work hours within Google Calendar not only allowed me to clearly communicate to my team when I was available, but this motivated me to stick to this timeframe and not feel guilty about it.
Establishing daily happiness rituals. I could easily attribute the source of most of my fatigue to the constant influx of toxicity. Between bad news that was reported on the few podcasts that I did listen to daily and the celebrity/entertainment gossip (just take me out of the group chat Ye) that flooded my Instagram timeline, I needed to tap into lighter and brighter content. Black Twitter, LOL-worthy memes and TikTok influencers like Demarcus Shawn instantly uplifted my mood.
Communicating to my son that “Mommy needs a moment.” As my son grows older and more independent, our conversations have also evolved. Clearly articulating as best as I could that I need privacy (read as 5 minutes in a quiet room or a uninterrupted 10-minute shower), while also reassuring him that it’s OK to let me know when he needs alone time to sit with his feelings or process whatever he’s working through, has been a game-changer for finding and holding on to moments of rest.
Experiencing more mindful escapes... with my son. I may not get as much “me time” as I’d like, but I’ve figured out ways to get creative with our time together so that I can relax and relish in the moment. Taking mindful escapes, whether to a local orchard or spending the holidays in a warm-weather destination, has been quite reviving for my spirit. I also hope that I am modeling to my son different ways to practice self-care.
Taking (real) naps and not power napping. If you are a parent or caregiver, I’m sure you’ve been told over and over to “sleep when your child sleeps.” My son is 3 years old and I literally just started indulging in daytime naps. Why? Well, as a single parent, I’ve had to maximize his nap times to complete housework, eat a meal in silence (one of my favorite things to do), catch up on my favorite reality TV shows or read a few chapters of a book. However, parental burnout has left me depleted of energy and napping has become a new way of replenishing my “battery pack.”
Using the iPhone’s Do Not Disturb feature. This may be the most transformative habit that I’ve introduced into my lifestyle. Scheduling Sleep alerts pushes me to limit my Screen Time usage and break the cycle of bedtime procrastination. I can carry out my evening skincare routine without text notifications going off or be pulled into the allure of scrolling through Instagram just one more time. Not to mention, investing in bedding and loungewear from Brooklinen and Parachute has also done wonders for my sleep. Any night I get to hit the sheets before 11pm, gets me that much closer to another day of waking up rested.
